Welcome to the Neighborhood

It's no secret: we've definitely upgraded houses. We knew moving to Deer Creek was a little cliche – we rocked the retro Village lifestyle – but the schools, proximity to friends, and convenience of a new house on a nice piece of land moved us up north. Besides, we won't lose our edge, you know?

The neighborhood is great, it is so nice to see children playing and not have neighbors come over repeating racial slurs (true story!). We even had someone ask to bring us over dinner. How nice! So when we got a New Years Eve party invite, our previous plans were deterred by the host's sick baby (we love you AJ), we decided to try something new.

The invite came after we had settled in for a night of watching Up, which I don't recommend watching while you are pregnant. I was wailing, and I have seen the movie before. So, to prepare for the party, I had to disguise my puffy eyes, half-heartedly Chi my hair, and squeeze into some Old Navy pregnancy jeans and a four-year-old polyester top. Off we went.

I wasn't prepared. I just wasn't prepared.

I walked into what I always envisioned as a stereotypical Edmondite get-together. The wives were grouped in the kitchen sipping martinis with perfectly straightened and highlighted locks, dressed in size 0 True Religion jeans, and calling for their children named after luxury car manufacturers. The husbands discussed golf swings, Blu-Ray players, and the firm's Christmas party. And there I was, pregnant, brunette, and dressed in Polyester.

I was, and still am, intimidated.

Here's my disclaimer: everyone was perfectly nice and very polite. Van had a great time running around with trendy-named children - I can't deny that he has a trendy name too. But it was the shock of it all. Our lifestyle has changed, and we, too, must change to accommodate it.

First, I have the best looking husband. The women sported style, and the hubbies sported their true ages. Why did I watch all those Desperate Housewives episodes?

Second, how will I fit in? These are the women with whom I'll coordinate school bake sales and PTA events. Will I be Lynette: frazzled, disorganized, and unstylish? Will my hang-ups affect Van? I want him to have tons of friends in the neighborhood.

But lastly, do they make True Religion pregnancy jeans?

 

4 comments:

Cary said...

Ugh. Not going to lie, what you describe here does not interest me in the least. Save me from trendy suburban hell!

Andrea said...

This might be my favorite post from you ever! We had our little culture shock when we first moved to Edmond a few years ago. I always called our last neighborhood Wisteria Lane. I couldn't believe it was for real!

The good news is, even though the costumes are different, the people are basically the same. And they care alot about their family and kids and want the best for them--a big reason many of them are here. Plus, you get clean, nice parks, amazing schools and a sense of safety and community that I never felt in OKC. And now the way you describe the suburbanites is the way I feel about the inner-city hipsters! Oh crap. Maybe I've just crossed over to the dark side! Ha ha...

And yes, they totally make TR maternity jeans...although I'm not sure how horseshoes would look on a pregnant booty. Plus, you could buy an entire baby wardrobe on what you'd spend on them! ;-)

Andrea said...

I also feel the need to add that I think a healthy distance from it all is a good thing! Don't let them suck you in! Ha, ha...

redforkhippie said...

I once had to cover a fundraiser thrown by a couple of well-meaning yuppie soccer moms at the clubhouse in a gated community built around a Jack-Nicklaus-designed golf course near St. Louis. If you think socializing with these people is challenging, try prying quotes out of them. Sweet Lord. I rolled down the windows and blasted "Eat the Rich" at full volume all the way back to the office just to clear my head.

Go read Erma Bombeck's The Grass Is Greener Over the Septic Tank. It will make you feel better.


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